The Talk
by gawilliams
Summary: Kathryn Janeway is nudged in the right direction.


Chakotay was sitting in a back booth in Sandrine's having a beer while he unwound from another long week. It had once again been difficult to sit next to Kathryn on the Bridge all week while she was in one of her damn moods. He couldn't figure out what was going on, though. She had been fine up until she had spent some time with her Mother on the monthly transmission from the Pathfinder Project. Since then she had been moody and antsy. The Bridge crew was beginning to get tense and he knew it was only a matter of time until something blew, and this time he was not sure it was something that she could simply will away with her usual arrogant 'I'm the Captain' attitude.

"Is this seat taken?" Kathryn asked, startling him. She had asked the computer his location and came down here to talk.

"Have a seat," he gestured. He saw she was drinking wine and decided to switch to it himself. Signaling the waitress, he ordered a white wine for himself.

Kathryn sat for a long minute before speaking. "If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?" she asked. Before he could get angry at the unintended insinuation, she continued. "This is personal, Chakotay, not business. It's important to me."

"Okay," he replied, never taking his eyes off of her. He was going to watch her very carefully.

Kathryn took another drink of her wine and then set the glass down. "Why do you think a relationship between us would work and why do you think it isn't against regulations?" she asked directly.

Chakotay knew his jaw must be practically on the table. Of all the questions she could have asked, this was not one he would have expected. For the last five years since their time on New Earth she had absolutely refused to even allow him to ask her about her stance, instead she had simply gotten a stony glare on her face and proceeded to spout a lot of nonsense about protocol and command distance. When he felt he could talk somewhat coherently, he asked her a question of his own.

"Why are you asking me now?" he almost demanded, but he kept his voice even and controlled. "It's been five years since New Earth and your unilateral refusal to build on the relationship that was forming there."

Kathryn knew him well and could tell that his anger over the whole situation was barely restrained. She had to tread very carefully. "During the whole journey I've written letters to my Mother and filed them to be sent when we were in range of Earth," she started to explain. "The computer never registered the Pathfinder arrangement as being near Earth so I never thought much about it, until I got a message from my Mother in the last transmission. Apparently a malfunction sent the letters and she read all of them. Chakotay, I used them instead of my personal logs to talk of you and my feelings."

"Your Mother thinks your an idiot," he surmised.

Kathryn tried to glare, but checked herself. He was right, and she had no one to blame but herself. "Yeah," she admitted sheepishly. "Chakotay, I believe in the view I've had about protocol. It's there for a reason and I think a damn good one. But I also trust my Mother's instincts and she says I've been nothing short of a fool when it comes to you and the subject of us since none of that was ever meant for a situation like we're in. I can't have a one on one discussion with her, but I can with you. I think I'm ready to listen if you're willing to talk to me."

He finished his wine and thought of how to answer her. "That's a large part of the problem right there, Kathryn," he told her. "Listen to how you talk. 'I think' and 'I'm ready.' It's always been strictly about you when you consider anything about us. When it comes to purely command issues that's alright, but we're not talking about a command issue on this one."

"Of course we are," she shot back instantly. She shut up when she saw his glare which was as formidable as her own, if not more so.

"No we're not," he told her bluntly. "It's only a command issue if we make it one. You're the one who created the problems these last five years, not me. Yet whenever I showed any kind of concern, professional or otherwise, you immediately insulted me and my worth by raising that protocol crap."

"Then if that's the case, why did you agree to speak with me just now?" she asked, trying to keep her fear at bay. She was deathly afraid that he was no longer in love with her, and also afraid that if she was not swayed by his arguments he would tell her he was not about to wait any longer for her if he did still love her.

He sighed. "Because no mater how much you've hurt me over the years, and you have horribly, I am somehow still in love with you," he told her.

A great deal of tension flowed out of her at his words, though she felt definite inner pain at his confirming how much she had hurt him. "I had hoped you still were, but I was sure that you couldn't possibly be after what I've done since New Earth," she told him with her head down in clear remorse. She may have doubts about being able to have a relationship from a regulation standpoint, but she hated having hurt him so. "Please tell me why you think this is right?" she implored. They'd only been there a few minutes, but already she felt like it had been hours.

"All right," he replied when he drained another glass of wine. "The first problem with your stance is that the regulations in question aren't binding. You know as well as I do that there are specific phrases in the regs that differentiate between binding and non-binding regulations, the latter being nothing more than suggestions and not ones that can be held against the commanding officers in question. The protocol and fraternization regs you so self-righteously ram down my throat clearly fall in the non-binding category. The second problem is that the regs were written with regular shore leave and crew rotation and transfers in mind. We don't have those options and as such the main feasibility allowing the regs to function no longer applies. The third reason is that on long term missions, such isolation and lack of intimacy are psychologically damaging. Finally, when a Captain only sees his or herself as the Captain, and refuses to get to know the crew on a social basis, then the crew becomes nothing more than pawns in some interstellar chess match. Your actions with the Borg Alliance and the Equinox should be proof enough of that."

Kathryn stared at him in shock. In the space of a few sentences he had demolished most of what she had believed in for years. It hadn't been kind, either. He had obviously been going for the shock value, thinking that this was his only chance to do so.

"What if we are involved?" she asked him. "How could I separate my personal feelings from the professional and order you on dangerous missions?"

"Can you honestly say you don't do that now?" he asked with a smirk.

"No," she said in a deflated tone.

"I don't know what else I can say to help you, Kathryn," Chakotay said honestly. "I know what I'm saying is correct from a lot of experience and also having taught at the Command School. Everything we have experienced out here has only confirmed it for me. You see me interact with the crew socially, and yet I have no problem dealing with disciplinary matters, or assigning away teams on dangerous missions. You may believe in your views, but I base mine on experience, _not_ a didactic exercise of platitudes."

"I need time to think about this," Kathryn said finally.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kathryn," he reminded her. "My promise to you on New Earth still holds and always will."

"That means more to me than I can say," she told him as she stood up. She nodded and then left the holodeck.

That night Kathryn spent a couple of hours in her quarters thinking very hard about what he had told her. Once she had processed it, she looked up the regulations in question and read them intensely. She discovered that he was correct on the phraseology, and that brought on some serious reflection about the actual feelings that they shared, however unspoken. By 0100 hours she had come to some serious conclusions and got ready for bed. Instead of her usual ritual, though, she spent time making up her bedroom and creating some ambiance. Then she put her newfound conclusions into action.

"Janeway to Chakotay," she said aloud.

"Chakotay here," came the instant reply.

Kathryn smiled. He could be in the middle of a long slumber and he would sound fresh as a daisy when he answered any of her hails. "I was wondering if we could continue our conversation from earlier," she asked. "There's something else I want your opinion on," she stated as she removed her robe and laid down on the bed.

"I'll be right over. Chakotay out."

Kathryn smiled as she heard the door to her quarters open. "I'm in here," she called out.

Chakotay stepped into the door of the bedroom and froze. There in the room were a dozen lighted candles in strategic places that lit the room perfectly. On the bed was a vision in his mind. Kathryn, completely nude in a very provocative pose which showed him all of her incredibly sexy body, was there in front of him with a wicked smile on her face. He could feel a sudden rush of blood to a specific region of his body and a reciprocal tightening of his pants.

"Kathryn?" he asked, barely

Kathryn noticed the bulge in his pants right away and licked her lips in appreciation. "I thought about what you said," she practically purred. "Any idea as to what I figured out?" she asked with a wider smile and a lecherous look at his bulge.

Chakotay smiled. If he'd known what a blunt assessment of her stance would bring about, he would have demanded a little talk years ago. "I think I have a pretty good idea," he told her. He kept sweeping his eyes over her body as she made little movements which revealed some extra details, much to his enjoyment.

"I think someone is way overdressed for this conversation, don't you?" she asked, the purr still very much in her voice.

"Definitely," he said as he used his command codes to order a privacy lock on her quarters and slowly moved into the bedroom. He'd always loved the fact that once Kathryn made a decision, she was always quick to implement it.

_**One Month Later, Janeway Family Home, Indiana, Earth**_

Gretchen Janeway opened the mail icon on her terminal and happily noticed a letter from Kathryn through the Pathfinder Array. She wondered what her stubborn, but brilliant, eldest daughter had done with the motherly scolding she had dished out to her the month before. She clicked on the letter.

_Dear Mom,_

_ This has to be quick, but I just wanted to let you know your message was received loud _

_and clear. This picture which is attached should show you just how much your motherly advice_

_means to me and how much I listen to you. Love,_

_ Kathryn_

_PS- We'll send the holo-recording with the next transmission._

Gretchen clicked on the photo and smiled widely. There in front of her was what was obviously a wedding photo and Chakotay kissing Kathryn once the nuptials had been said. "Now maybe I should talk to her about grandchildren," she mused as she started planning on her next transmission to Kathryn, and a personal one to her new son-in-law. Hopefully he would be easy to get on her side with this new issue. She toggled her terminal and sent a signal to her youngest daughter. "You won't believe what I just got from Kathryn, Phoebe," Gretchen said excitedly when her call was answered.


End file.
